A new breed of californians.

It's too bad Steinbeck is dead. If he were alive he could make a sequel to "The Grapes of Wrath," and entitle it "The Cuttle of Eternal Sorrow," or "Global Warming Sucks and Now I'm in California."

Multiple reports are turning up about thousands of "jumbo" squid washing up on the shores of California. Squid are showing up all over Orange County beaches (though sadly, they have not eaten any members of the OC or the hills yet). According to a story by David Reyes of the Los Angeles Times , Californians seem to be surprised by "the creatures with their elongated, gooey-looking tentacles and oversized heads." This may because the squid do not look like normal Californians. I recommend that the squid dye their hair blonde, get breast implants, and whiten their cuttles to fit in.

The type of squid washing up are known as jumbo squid, who probably have ego complexes when compared to giant and colossal squid. However, jumbos are still quite large--they can weigh up to 100 pounds and be as long as six feet. They are more properly known as Humboldt squid and Dosidicus gigas. The squid usually hang around further south off the coast of South America.

Steven Colbert-official cephalopod hater?

Alert reader Matt sent me a link to the following video from the Colbert Report last night:



Now, readers of this blog (yes, all five of you) already knew about this octopus and her talents. Weeks ago. That's what I'm here for. To share prescient octopus oddities with you as they happen.

Colbert also mentions a shrimp on a treadmill. I just wish the shrimp were wearing tiny little sneakers and a headband. Is that wrong?

Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, or broken-heart syndrome.

While perusing octopus-related journal articles (I know I have been very octopus-centric lately. I will get off my octopus soap box soon) I found this article on takotsubo cardiomyopathy, or broken-heart syndrome. What is this broken-heart syndrome? Apparently, it is a disease that "mimics acute coronary syndrome". What does this have to do with octopuses? The article goes on to say that in Japanese, the tranlation of "tako-tsubo" is "fishing pot for trapping octopus," because "the left ventricle of a patient diagnosed with this condition resembles that shape.

Apparently takotsubo can be precipitated by acute emotional stress--which is why it is called "broken-heart syndrome."

A picture I found of an octopus trap:


Here is a picture of what takotsubo cardiomyopathy looks like:



Citation: S.S. Virani, A.N. Khan, C.E. Mendoz, A.C. Ferreira, and E. de Marchena. 2007. Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, or broken-heart syndrome. Texas Heart Institute Journal. Volume 34 (1):pp. 76-79.

dirty ceph.

Guess what this little creature is? Here, maybe the name of the product will help--it is known as "The Screaming O Screaming Octopus Mini Vibrator." It's also available in assorted colors.

But before you rush to the site to buy one, let me share some of the customer reviews with you:

DIdn't do much for me, either...but my boyfriend loved it.
-- Anonymous on May 5, 2007

Three words to remember if you're interested in purchasing this product... save your money. This thing was absolutely useless and not worth the money. I'm very disappointed in this item, and would not recommend it to anybody.
-- Denise, O Fallon, MO on December 29, 2006

Utterly useless --- I don't like a strong vibe, but the octopus is extremely weak (far less vibration than my cell phone!), and won't take you where you want to go.
-- Anonymous on December 3, 2006

Come on, people. If you are going to make an octopus vibrator, at least make it high powered. Like put a jet ski motor in it or the engine from Jacques Cousteau's Calypso, or something!

put 'em up. all up.

I am currently serving on jury duty. don't ask me about my case because it is TOP SECRET. Here are the only vaguely legal-ish, law-like ceph pictures I could find after much searching:



I especially like the above. Apparently it is a greenpeace person in madrid. the soldiers are like "sweet jesus, whatever that is we need to try harder to kill it!"




and here is something from, well I don't know. the use of octopus as a term applied to overreaching government and spy missions seems to be wide spread so I will have to look into it more.

celebrity cephalopod gossip

Alert reader Matt sent in this picture of British singer Amy Winehouse and her cephalopod oriented hair:



You can read more by clicking here. It is pretty easy to picture a tentacle snaking out of her hair and adding creamer to her coffee. Perhaps the tentacle will also feed her a sandwich (or two) while it is tending to her.

The. Calamari. Wrestler.

This, WITHOUT A DOUBT, is the most amazing movie I have ever seen. And you can get it through netflix. I am also working hard at making it required viewing in all schools--maybe I can somehow sneak it in with the abstinence videos.

The first clip is from the beginning of the movie, when the Calamari Wrestler makes his debut. Pretty exciting!




I won't give away the whole plot line, but here is a little background: The Calamari Wrestler is actually a wrestler who died from cancer (? I think, or some mysterious illness), and then comes back as an ass-kicking squid. Calamari Wrestler has business to finish, i.e. some non-cephalopod butt kicking to do. (I.E. DO NOT WRITE A CHECK YOUR TENTACLE CAN'T CASH!).

The guy Calamari Wrestler wants to wrestle seems like he might be the antagonist, but really, this movie is too deep and textured to be constrained by simple protagonist/antagonist themes. Especially when the supposed antagonist turns into an octopus to wrestle the Calamari. And then, after they wrestle, they become friends, and the Calamari Wrestler faces the biggest wrestling challenge of his career: Wrestling a "squilla." (Some sites thought this creature in the movie was a lobster. It's not. It's a mantis shrimp). A tiny mantis shrimp can punch through plate glass, so obviously, it makes a formidable opponent when it is the size of a person.

Preparing for wrestling the squilla is no lauging matter, and our Calamari Wrestler takes it VERY seriously. Plus there are some touching moments of interspecies friendship at the end of this one:



You'll have to rent the movie to see how the thrilla with the squilla ends. I realize that this post may seem like incoherent babbling but that is because watching The Calamari Wrestler CHANGED ME FOREVER, and frankly I'm not sure if I can effectively communicate with people WHO HAVE NOT SEEN IT.