cephalopod centerfold

best piece of mail...EVER!

2008-06-26T20:04:00.000-07:00

When I first moved out to the my particular corner of the midwest (or as I like to call it "the cornhole of america") I received a most intriguing piece of mail:

Very mysterious, no? I asked friends who I thought sent it and they all denied ownership so I was stumped. I wanted to put it on the blog right away but due to complete inertia, I still haven't replaced my broken camera battery charger. So I resorted to using the camera in my computer.

I finally found out (after months of waterboarding innocent friends) who sent these buttons and all I can say is...Thanks Corrie!!!!! And, I can't wait until you are in Chicago!

just in time for summer!

2008-06-04T19:48:00.001-07:00

The cephalokini!

photo from here.

really big squid eyeballs!

2008-04-30T10:00:00.001-07:00

do you ever lay awake at night wondering about the colossal squid they caught last year in antartica? well, they are finally slowly thawing it out in new zealand (so that it doesn't turn into squid oatmeal). they just took out its eyeballs, and not surprisingly, they are really big: 11 inches across (the pic is of the lenses, which are apparently orange sized).

Thanks to my dad for sending me this story from the nytimes!

a great birthday card

2008-04-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

even though it's not my birthday, robin sent this amazing card to me:

(my squid whisk offered to hold the card for me.)
Thanks, Robin!

Paleozoic cephalopods in a blanket!!!

2008-04-11T18:57:00.001-07:00

Now that I am unemployed and living in a burnt out cornfield in the Midwest, I can focus a lot more time on finding amazing things like this site, courtesy of the Kentucky Geological Survey. Now I thought geological surveys had to do with, well, rocks and oil and fossils and the like. But no! They deal with hot dogs! I haven't seen anything this amazing since the octodog!

The site is an instructional how-to on making cephalopods in a blanket, I 'm guessing to feed future geologists? The page is under the "earth education" section. Apparently it was either, feed the kids rocks, or feed them cephalopods in a blanket. A great, albeit misinformed, quote on the site about making cephalopods in a blanket (or for short, CIBs): "This recipe uses a variation of the old pigs-'n-a-blanket theme in order to make edible cephalopods. Cephalopods were squid-like animals that lived in shells. They were very common in Paleozoic-era seas. They would probably have tasted like calamari (a fancy name for squid to trick people into eating it), but what are your chances of getting a child to eat squid?"

There is also an amazing diagram of how to cut the ends of the hot dogs into tentacles, obviously done on some fancy computer program intended to map oil fields (although not fancy enough to give the cephs enough tentacles):

Here are the CIBs before their amazing transformation:

And after! Voila! CIBs!

It's not hard to picture these little guys swimming peacefully in a Paleozoic sea, with little cinnamon roll nautiluses, jellyfish made of cotton candy, and little jelly bean isopods. Wheee!

¿Se habla cephalopod?

2008-04-11T07:09:00.001-07:00

Connie and Matt recently traveled to Mexico, where they spotted this mysterious octopus. That has something to do with drinking?

This is what Connie had to say about it:
"we saw this somewhere between mexico city and san miguel de allende. we passed more than one of these things. maybe a restraunt chain? we were on the bus, so we couldn't investigate. (the bus was moving, hence the awkward image quality.)"

Very mysterious.

¡Que mysterioso!

Viva octopus lovin'!

2008-04-08T09:59:00.000-07:00

Behold, Abdopus aculeatus, a small octopus that lives in the waters off of Sulawesi, Indonesia. Christine Huffard, a grad student at Berkeley (now a post-doc at the Monterey Bay Aquarium) was studying a large population of these octopuses and discovered some of their (until now) secret bedroom tactics.

This is all big news because everyone used to think octopuses were solitary and would just mate and then go their separate ways, without even an exchange of phone numbers or a goodbye text message. Robert Caldwell, a researcher at Berkeley had this to say about octopuses and their ways: "They're obsessively secretive, solitary and pretty spooky," Caldwell said. "If you watch them, they watch you back. It's hard to study them." Oh my god, octopuses are like the masons!

Researchers found that male Abdopus aculeatus will intently guard the females they choose to mate with. They will also strangle other males who try to get near their mate of choice. The press release for this story stated that the octopuses "hold hands" but this is actually referring to the fact that the male will insert his sperm releasing tentacle (known as the hectocotylus) and leave it inserted for a long time. If the female goes anywhere, the male gets dragged along...by his "hand."

Christine Huffard, PhD extraordinaire, also found that there were tiny males who would "sneak" matings with females. They did this by mimicking female colors, or hiding until the larger male went away--proof of the existence of metrosexual octopuses?

Finally, one other thing that I love about this story is that it found that males like larger female octopuses much more than tiny ones. That's right! Eat your sandwiches octopuses! Male octopuses do not like skinny bitches!

Thank you to Erin, Fabienne, and my mom for sending info about this my way!

I ruthlessly stole information from the Globe and Mail video, Berkeley news announcement, and NPR story for this post.

ivy league squid!

2008-03-18T21:25:00.000-07:00

my friend marycat gave me this eons ago. behold, the yale squid:

he lives in the Peabody Museum's lobby, and he is watching you!

According to a postcard and info MC gave me, the squid is 37 feet long, and is a life-size representation of the giant squid Architeuthis dux. The model was made in the 1960's. How sweet would it be to have that hanging in your living room? Beats a weird ikea lamp any day.

in the event of a water landing, look under your seat for a squid tube flotation device.

2008-03-12T20:29:00.001-07:00

Oh man, squid tubes for dinner again??? I'm the luckiest girl in the world!!! (from supremelobster.com) But points for Supreme Lobster on using the really fancy font to describe something that sounds pretty gross.
(*I know, these are just calamari before the deliciousness of frying. but tubes? as a word to describe a food?)

Run octopuses, run! The yuppies are after your tender tentacles!!!!

2008-03-05T11:03:00.000-08:00

MORONG brought two articles from the NY times to my attention this morning (do you like how I don't even have to look for cephalopod stories? They just come to me! From the cephalopod fairies!)

Apparently cooking octopus is the new thing to do. You can click on the above link to see Mark Bittman man handling an octopus. Next, the curious cook is trying out different ways of prepping octopus. Apparently the best thing to do is brine it. Like a turkey. But it appears that no matter what, the octopus will turn out quite "gelatinous," a word I don't usually associate with "tasty."

I probably won't be trying out these recipes soon since I feel guilty eating octopus since I started this blog. I mean, someone who had a blog on how smart and cute and wonderful dogs are probably would stop eating them too. Even though hotdogs are so delicious.

Hexapus alert! Hexapus alert!

2008-03-04T10:26:00.000-08:00

The blog has been receiving a rash of six legged octopus sitings and reports lately. The first came from Rik, of the Netherlands. (If you have ever spent five minutes with me, you will find out I am 1/2 Dutch, so I'm excited Dutch people are reading my blog.) He sent in the following image, which was drawn by his colleague's six year old:

(Rik said there was more info with the picture, but that didn't come through, so if you have time, send it in, Rik.)

What I suspect is that this six year old was telepathic and already knew about Henry the Hexapus from London:

Don't you just picture the octopus having a Cockney accent? And complaining about the freakish eight legged octopuses in its tank? Thanks to Brendan for sending in the breaking news about the Hexapus!

goodbye tramp stamp, hello sucker implants!

2008-02-21T13:00:00.000-08:00

What can I say? If you're still considering a labret piercing you are soooooooo behind the times! Consider getting tentacle implants!

The blog doesn't mention if the implants actually WORK or not. I'm guessing they are just for show and you can't use them to catch prey items, like your roommate's cat. Thanks to MORONG for sending this in.

Squeal like a...squid?

2008-01-30T08:07:00.000-08:00

Apparently, there is a show on Adult Swim on the cartoon network known as Squidbillies. I had no idea! I am one of those people without cable, but not one of those self righteous people without cable--i.e. if I come to your house, and you have cable, and it's on, I won't be able to hold a conversation as I stare, slack jawed and drooling at the tv. Anyway, I read some snippets about the show from the wiki page about it. Highlights include squids running meth labs and calling white people "chalkies."

Here's a YouTube video:

Thanks to russell for pointing this out.

HOCKEYOCTOPUS

2008-01-24T10:12:00.000-08:00

Did you know that the Detroit Redwings' mascot is Al the OCTOPUS??? And, if you did know this, why the frick didn't you tell me???? (except for my friend rob, who did tell me about it--thanks rob!)

Apparently, there is a "tradition" that during Detroit playoff games, fans fling octopuses onto the ice after a goal is scored for good luck. I know, this is confounding. But apparently in 1952 two brothers who owned a fish market threw out the first octopus onto the ice, because they made the (totally natural) connection that the eight tentacles of the octopus symbolized the eight wins it would take to get the Stanley Cup.

Now the Redwings have Al the Octopus mascot, and here is some information from Al's Wiki page (I know--kids! don't quote wikipedia in your book reports!):
"The Octopus was eventually named 'Al' (after Joe Louis Arena building operations manager Al Sobotka), and every playoff year since, Al the Octopus gets raised to the rafters, when the Red Wings skate out onto the ice. As the years went on some modifications were made to Al, such as making it so his pupils light up red (blinking on and off), the adding of a large Red Wing Jersey to his body, and the removal of a tooth in order to give Al that "hockey player" look."

I love the fact that there was probably a whole meeting devoted to how to make a totally made up purple octopus have a more "hockey player" look. And then they were like, "Oh yeah, let's make his eyes blink on and off! Like real hockey players!"

Also, don't worry, people are still throwing real octopuses on the ice. According to a link on the Redwings site, in 1995 two dudes from another seafood company threw a 38 pound octopus onto the ice. And then the next year, they outdid themselves and threw on a 50 pounder on the ice. I wonder how they made it through security...

Here are some photos from the Redwing site (I like the fuzzy, wispy watercolored memories of octopus flinging days of yore style of these):

And then this one, which sort of makes me feel strange, like, wow, that guy is really gleefully swinging around that octopus carcass. And I suspect he would just as gleefully swing around a human head if it meant the Redwings would win:

After sitting at my desk trying to decide if this whole detroit thing is funny or disturbing, I might need a drink. Whatever the case, I think Detroit should be wondering right now if its economic problems might not be due to industrial outsourcing, but instead to a hex placed upon it by the cephalopod gods.

how i feel being back at work after the holidays.

2008-01-02T10:35:00.001-08:00

holiday squid

2007-12-20T07:55:00.000-08:00

I found this picture at http://kasei.us/

I think we should replace santa with a christmas squid for sure. Think how many presents the tentacles could hold (the wrapping paper might get a little soggy, though).

sweet shirt from the deep!

2007-12-14T07:35:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of a shirt that my lovely friend, Bala, gave me this past summer. It is so good that the normally surly kid at the ice cream place I go to complimented me on it. It is from threadless.com*
(*Beer not included with shirt purchase.) Thanks, Bala!

octopus chop!

2007-12-13T06:49:00.001-08:00

My friend Richey came to visit in late October and brought AN AMAZING BIRTHDAY PRESENT! While she was at the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco, she had an artist make a "chop" for me. I.E. a totally awesome stamp. The "g" is the first letter of my last name.

Thanks, Richey!

rad cephalopod skateboards.

2007-12-11T10:49:00.000-08:00

a while back, my friend had a skateboard in the trunk of his car. He pulled it out and I attempted to skateboard on it (with poor results). Which for some reason has caused me, weeks later, to do a search on cephalopod related skateboards. I also included a french octopus skateboarding poster--I think it's the best part.

why is this woman so happy?

2007-12-05T07:30:00.001-08:00

Apparently, double fisting dead octopuses at a Madrid seafood market is the path to happiness (and a Christmas tradition). I'm going to go try it.

squid or treat

2007-11-28T10:41:00.000-08:00

My roommate's old roommate (I can draw a lineage for you if you like) created an amazing squid costume for Halloween. I am not surprised by her cleverness, for I recall that one year she spent hours crafting a banana costume (that is now rotting in the basement).
Cole, you look squidtacular:
(though what are you holding? squid treats?)

This one shows that even squid will take public transportation to help save the planet. I can only imagine that is a nalgene bottle full of sea water?

Project Runsquid 4

2007-11-16T11:40:00.000-08:00

I don't know how many of you watch Project Runway out there--it is one of my dirty pleasures that I like to engage in (when I'm not running around in a superpus costume). The first episode of season 4 was on Wednesday night. As they bio-ed the designers, I instantly disliked Christian Siriano, a 21 year old who thinks he is the dopest designer ever. Of course, I might dislike him simply because he is young and the dopest designer ever.

But then, I saw something that made me rethink my initial opinion. Here is a picture of him (standing next to an amazon model wearing what he designed):

The jacket makes me want to barf, but WAIT WHAT IS THAT A TATTOO OF ON THE YOUNG LAD'S ARM? Squint and you can see it:

Frankly, I'm not sure if this makes me dislike him more or less. There's no escaping it now, though--the hipsters have got the squids and they are not giving them back.

SUPERPUS!

2007-11-13T08:15:00.001-08:00

My friend and I competed in a Pumpkin Festival 10K in Maine recently. The race people said costumes were encouraged, but I doubt any mere mortal could have been prepared for this:

I cannot take credit for the genius that is the Superpus costume, because my friend Richey made it. Truly, wearing it made me feel like running six miles was nothing. The cape especially helped. Oh, and on a side note, I ran in nylons, which is actually amazing--they keep you warm but not too warm like pants. I recommend the "sun tan" color.

I was so excited about my costume I tried to return to the ocean post-race. However, as soon as a wave hit me, I realized I was still human, which elicited this reaction:

Happy International Cephalopod Awareness Day!

2007-10-08T19:30:00.000-07:00

for some of us, it is international cephalopod awareness day all year around, but cephalopodcast is awesome for inventing this very special day. thanks to the amazing connie for pointing this out!

(i.e. didn't we already decide columbus day is lame? a cephalopod probably "discovered" the americas before people even existed. and said, big whoop, and then went and had a crab sandwich and a nap.)

a safe place for your cephalopod.

2007-10-05T10:24:00.000-07:00

I was looking around and found this site: The National Resource Center for Cephalopods.

I think they mean that I am supposed to go there to find information about cephs (which I will!), but at first I couldn't help imagining that it is actually a place for cephalopods to go, and learn more about themselves. There would be informative videos for female octopuses about reproduction. There would also be advice on the dangers of whales. Maybe the site could also have a list of locations where cephalopods could go after school and play basketball so they don't sell drugs on behind the coral.

threadless octo

2007-10-02T08:51:00.000-07:00

Two readers have informed of me of this sweet shirt at threadless.com:

As alert reader Hannah aptly states "not sure if the octopus ate the child and isn't sure what to do with the teddy bear or if he's just trying to figure out how to snuggle with it..."

Daisy the Dog + Cephalopod = ?

2007-10-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

I know that I last posted in the pleistocene, but now I am going to try to get back on track. I present to you an epic story told in pictures, a battle between a dog and a cephalopod. Please brace yourself. Some of these images are quite disturbing.

Behold, Daisy the dog in all her glory:

Your average purple, fuzzy, land dwelling octopus replete with a squeaker inside of it:

The octopus makes its move, and Daisy has that creepy feeling that something is right behind her:

A battle of epic proportions ensues:

At the end of it all, Daisy wonders what in her nature caused her to crush the life out of this beautiful, purple, squeaky creature of the sea:

An Octopus Fights Back at Nihonbashi Fish Market

2007-09-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

My amazing friend Richey went to the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco last weekend and saw this painting:

She also braved great bodily harm by taking a picture of the description label next to the painting
(You can also read the label at this link.):

For the record, I too would be very angry if someone stuck a spike in my head and tried to drag me to a fish market. I probably wouldn't be as successful at expressing my anger, though. Instead I would probably say something dumb like "You hurt my head. AND my feelings."

Also, my friend Richey is the same person who once called me and casually informed me that she had just run a half marathon dressed as an octopus super hero. To which I replied "Well, do you have pictures?" And she said "No." Who dresses up like an octopus super hero AND DOESN'T TAKE PICTURES???? MY GOD!

cephalopods. they might need a drink too.

2007-08-31T12:32:00.000-07:00

Although it is friday and you may be thinking longingly of the the gin and tonic you will have later, let us not forget our cephalopod friends who might also be in need of a beverage.

(though I think your average ceph might want some fish or something as a garnish instead of a paltry olive.)

something to do if three co-workers and you are bored.

2007-08-27T07:24:00.000-07:00

Not surprisingly, the boy scouts are into weird sh*t.

RECYCLED METAL OCTOPUS THIS WEEKEND!!!

2007-08-24T14:12:00.000-07:00

If you live in the east bay in cali, perhaps this is something you might want to check out. From the pictures, the octopus looks very sharp and shiny, like it has a high probability of falling and possibly impaling babies and/or small dogs. So if you DO check it out, please wear a helmet.

octodog, part deux.

2007-08-21T07:58:00.000-07:00

don't try to eat this one, people.

one wouldn't expect fox news to report something "science-y"

2007-08-14T07:03:00.000-07:00

but here is a story from earlier this year about an "antarctic octopus." The story also describes the new octopus as "psychedelic" but does not explain why. Perhaps they orignally found it holding tabs of lsd in its tentacles as it undulated to an underwater phish (HA!) concert.

you mess with the squid, you get the ink.

2007-08-02T07:05:00.000-07:00

alert reader Marc sent me a link to this picture. Original post here. I'm just really glad to put something good up after my crappy post from yesterday.

sweet cephalopod crop circle.

2007-08-01T11:50:00.000-07:00

People. We all know a giant squid crawled out of the ocean, flew in its space ship to this field, and made a crop circle depiction of his friend, Mr. Nautilus. Am I right?

move over, weiners. make room for octodog!

2007-07-27T10:45:00.000-07:00

Frankly (OH MY GOD, HA!), I can't believe I never heard of the octodog before. Have all of you been holding out on me? You have, haven't you! You've been secretly eating octodogs all along and haven't wanted to share! Bitches!

Okay, I've calmed down now. Anyway, last night I was at a bar, and an acquaintance was wearing an octodog shirt. When asked, he excitedly explained that it is this contraption that you put your hot dogs into:

And once you press your hot dog through (it's safe, kids!) you get this:

Look! It has little eyes!

If you are more into plating:

I was also told it works just as well for vegan dogs. So we can ALL enjoy octodogs!

I know. It's pretty amazing. Please take a breath. I had to. And then get your ass over here and get an octodog. And here is a pic of the sweet t-shirts that lead me to discover this amazing product:

our octopus, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy tentacles.

2007-07-17T11:16:00.000-07:00

This may be the weirdest cephalopod related thing I have ever posted on this blog. Please go and check out the octopus faith site. Let me warn you, dear uninitiated reader, that at first you may be frightened by the pictures of the perky octopus woman that come up. Don't worry, so was Jesus.

There is no point in me trying to summarize the site since it is so weird and fantastic. A direct quote:

"Do you want to go deep? Let 'deep sea travel guide' and Christian Women's Speaker, Janet Drez, take your women on an "under-sea" adventure using the attributes of the octopus as a unique and profound word-picture to discover and grow their "Octopus Faith®."

(Why is she taking "your" women? Who do these women belong to? Does she have to get permission first? Do they have a curfew? Why are there no men allowed? Is this actually about menstruation? OH MY GOD IS IT A CEPHALAPOD LESBIAN PLOT?!?!?! If so, can I attend??????)

But, most importantly, I feel the need to share the...

8 Tentacles of Octopus Faith®:

1. Praise: Do You Know Who God Is?
2. Pearls: Do You Know Who You Are?
3. Prayer: An Octopus Conversation
4. Pressure: How to Survive the Underwater Pressure
5. Power: Wrestling with an Enemy
6. Play: The Joy of Octopus Faith®
7. Passion: Longing for Octopus Faith®
8. Pass It On: Lead Someone Else into the Deep

(Okay, after reading number 6 and 7, I hope all of these women are given a complimentary octopus vibrator. Maybe that's why men aren't allowed.)

And finally, a quote from a satisfied octopus faith customer:

"Octopus Faith was exactly the message that was needed to springboard us into a season of 'deep sea diving' with Christ. Each and every lady was amazed and surprised at the analogy of our faith to octopus. All loved it and you!"
Michelle Gale, Director, First Ladies Women's Ministry
First Southern Baptist Church of Phoenix

Let's go deep sea diving with Jesus, y'all! Last one in the water is washed up jumbo squid servant of satan!

BREAKING COLOSSAL SQUID NEWS!

2007-07-11T18:37:00.000-07:00

Despite being on vacation, what kind of loser would I be if I didn't link to a story about a colossal squid the size of a bus that was found on the beach in Australia? A really big loser, that's what (although, I am already kind of a loser because it was my mom who saw the story and informed me. thanks again, mom.)

The article states that a beach comber found the squid this past Wednesday. How amazing would it be to find a colossal squid washed up? Usually I find rubber gloves, used condoms, hypodermics, and diapers. I've never even found a human head. This beach comber just won the cephalopod lottery.

More news as it unfurls its tentacles...

interspecies cephalopod love?

2007-07-11T18:31:00.000-07:00

Alert reader Tim sent me an amazing story about an "octosquid" that was found off the coast of the big island of Hawaii. The story states that "It appears that the creature was sucked up in a deep seawater pipeline at the Natural Energy Laboratory Hawaii Authority at Keahole on the Big Island. The pipeline pumps cold water up from 3,000 feet below sea level. Occasionally deep-sea marine life will get caught in a filter in the line, officials said." (How cool is that! A filter that actually sucks up neat things, not wads of hair and day old cheerios!)

Can't you picture it? An octopus and a squid get together to gripe about their giant brains, short life spans, depleted oceans...they have a couple of martinis, and BOOM, a few months later an octosquid appears out of a lovingly hidden egg sack.

Well, as one of the octosquid's parents has surely realized, it will take a DNA test to find out what is really going on here...

cephalopod fashionista?

2007-07-03T09:58:00.000-07:00

While perusing boingboing today, I saw a post on "Diesel's 'bioluminescent mechanical cephalopod' runway show." Basically, the fashion line Diesel had their 2008 show in Florence, Italy. When I read the headline, I became a bit shivery with excitement (like a tiny terrier about to go for a walk). But the Youtube video was a little disappointing. It was 17 minutes long and I may have seen a cephalopod at minute 10:37, but everything else looked like angler fishes, models in little submarines, some deep sea worms, and a lot of jellyfish. Not that those rare and mysterious creatures (excluding the jellyfish and models, of course) aren't interesting--but don't put cephalopod in the title of your fashion show and then not deliver. There were some mechanical objects that might have been cephalopod like...but I'm not sure. Here is the video:

As I watched the video I had completely conflicting emotions. First I was like, oooh, fashion. And clothes! And cephalopods! My favorite ever! But then after a while, I wanted the giant holographic sea turtle to eat a model. Okay, maybe a few models, because we know eating one model would not be enough nourishment for a giant holographic sea turtle.

Plus the whole thing made me feel weird. On the one hand it was cool-everyone looked cool, the music was cool, the weird blue swimming things, although not cephalopods, were kind of cool. But, seriously, how is high fashion helping out the oceans? Will they give the jellyfish free Diesel hoodies? Will the models lovingly keep the angler fish in their giant Yves Saint Laurent purses (which they will have to pressurize.)? I doubt it. Perhaps it is just fashion and art and I should let it go. Or perhaps Diesel should donate some money somewhere for using all these images. Or perhaps someone should punch me in the face to tone down the self righteous hag that emerges from time to time.

keeping your octopus entertained.

2007-07-02T13:06:00.000-07:00

As we all know, a bored creature is a generally unhappy creature. While people can start blogs to combat the problems of boredom, what can our cephalopod brethren do to not fall asleep in their tanks?

The octopus known as Shania (oh my god, who named this poor creature? obviously a lover of pop country music), at the Washington National Aquarium dissembles smelt-filled Mr. Potato Heads for entertainment:

Meanwhile Ollie the octopus (note the improved name-must the British exceed us at EVERYTHING?) who lives at the Sealife Park in the UK has been given "lego" (for some reason British people do not use the term "legos") to entertain itself.

Other octopuses can be kept busy with the "squishing yourself out of a really tiny hole" trick. Which I sometimes have to do when I park really close to another car and am trying to get out of my car. I wish I could say it was the bones in my ass that prevented me from getting out, but I fear that is not the truth.

d.i.y. cephalopod

2007-06-26T09:34:00.000-07:00

An alert reader (thanks, Mom!) informed me of an article in the N.Y. Sunday Times Style Section on the Renegade Craft Fair which took place last weekend in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. According to the article (which is hilarious), cephalopods are TOTALLY IN with the do it yourself crowd.

According to the article (by Melena Ryzik) "while the sparrow and the owl — last year’s favored animal and the symbol of the fair — are out, the octopus, a burgeoning contender for creature of the moment, has been joined by other sea dwellers, like the squid."

This makes me a little bit fearful because it means that soon cephalopods may go the way of flannel shirts, hypercolor, and more recently, getting sparrows tattooed on each shoulder.

However, I believe in the strength of the cephalopod to ride this wave of popularity without becoming annihilated through ubiquitousness. I.E. I believe cephalopods can be the Justin Timberlakes of ocean trendy, not the Vanilla Ices.

wearable cephalopod and a divine deep sea book.

2007-06-22T07:51:00.000-07:00

Cephalopodcast kindly informed me that it is now possible to purchase a dumbo octopus t-shirt on McSweeney's. This is perfect timing since a) McSweeney's is having some kind of financial trouble, and b) there just can't be too much cephalopod inspired kitsch out there to please me. I feel this t-shirt would be good for many professions: the office (business casual! or dress it up with a tie), grad students (don't eat this weekend, order this shirt instead), strippers (can get extra small and wear over a tiny sequined thong), etc.

Apparently the original dumbo picture (and the inspiration for the shirt) are from the book, "The Deep: The Extraordinary Creatures of the Abyss" by Claire Nouvian, which is full of stunning pictures that made me pee a little in my office chair.

Here is our dumbo octopus again, giving us a sort of coquettish, Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's side long glance:

And here, a frothy pink deep sea delight:

And finally, a cephalopod made out of saran wrap:

nautilus performance art.

2007-06-19T19:15:00.000-07:00

This is a set of musical nautiluses, which I believe originate from the U.K. The website states that "each shell is pulled behind a performer dressed as a fish." I'm not quite sure why said performer wouldn't be dressed as a, well, a nautilus, but oh well. Artistic license.

As an added bonus, each shell plays an ocean soundtrack (if you go to the website you will hear the soothing sound of the ocean which makes you feel like you are at the beach or in the office of a new age masseuse). According to the website, with the five shells projecting ocean music at you, you will experience "total immersion on dry land!"

what if god is a cephalopod?

2007-06-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

he/she/it is watching you. so stop thinking about sex. and start thinking about what will happen when you meet The Giant Cephalopod In the Sky.

sorry to anthropomorphisize, but this octopus is terribly cute.

2007-06-18T06:29:00.000-07:00

Cute overload knows the value of a good octopus:

Behold the "dumbo octopus," also known as Grimpoteuthis.

This picture was originally from a NY times article on strange deep sea creatures. Ah, to live in the deep sea and have animals like this and this be my neighbors (instead of the beyatchy girls who live on the first floor of our building, smoke parliaments like it's their job, and screech in the wee hours).

A new breed of californians.

2007-06-12T12:36:00.000-07:00

It's too bad Steinbeck is dead. If he were alive he could make a sequel to "The Grapes of Wrath," and entitle it "The Cuttle of Eternal Sorrow," or "Global Warming Sucks and Now I'm in California."

Multiple reports are turning up about thousands of "jumbo" squid washing up on the shores of California. Squid are showing up all over Orange County beaches (though sadly, they have not eaten any members of the OC or the hills yet). According to a story by David Reyes of the Los Angeles Times , Californians seem to be surprised by "the creatures with their elongated, gooey-looking tentacles and oversized heads." This may because the squid do not look like normal Californians. I recommend that the squid dye their hair blonde, get breast implants, and whiten their cuttles to fit in.

The type of squid washing up are known as jumbo squid, who probably have ego complexes when compared to giant and colossal squid. However, jumbos are still quite large--they can weigh up to 100 pounds and be as long as six feet. They are more properly known as Humboldt squid and Dosidicus gigas. The squid usually hang around further south off the coast of South America.

Steven Colbert-official cephalopod hater?

2007-06-08T07:09:00.000-07:00

Alert reader Matt sent me a link to the following video from the Colbert Report last night:

Now, readers of this blog (yes, all five of you) already knew about this octopus and her talents. Weeks ago. That's what I'm here for. To share prescient octopus oddities with you as they happen.

Colbert also mentions a shrimp on a treadmill. I just wish the shrimp were wearing tiny little sneakers and a headband. Is that wrong?

Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, or broken-heart syndrome.

2007-06-06T19:07:00.000-07:00

While perusing octopus-related journal articles (I know I have been very octopus-centric lately. I will get off my octopus soap box soon) I found this article on takotsubo cardiomyopathy, or broken-heart syndrome. What is this broken-heart syndrome? Apparently, it is a disease that "mimics acute coronary syndrome". What does this have to do with octopuses? The article goes on to say that in Japanese, the tranlation of "tako-tsubo" is "fishing pot for trapping octopus," because "the left ventricle of a patient diagnosed with this condition resembles that shape.

Apparently takotsubo can be precipitated by acute emotional stress--which is why it is called "broken-heart syndrome."

A picture I found of an octopus trap:

Here is a picture of what takotsubo cardiomyopathy looks like:

Citation: S.S. Virani, A.N. Khan, C.E. Mendoz, A.C. Ferreira, and E. de Marchena. 2007. Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, or broken-heart syndrome. Texas Heart Institute Journal. Volume 34 (1):pp. 76-79.

dirty ceph.

2007-06-04T19:36:00.000-07:00

Guess what this little creature is? Here, maybe the name of the product will help--it is known as "The Screaming O Screaming Octopus Mini Vibrator." It's also available in assorted colors.

But before you rush to the site to buy one, let me share some of the customer reviews with you:

DIdn't do much for me, either...but my boyfriend loved it.
-- Anonymous on May 5, 2007

Three words to remember if you're interested in purchasing this product... save your money. This thing was absolutely useless and not worth the money. I'm very disappointed in this item, and would not recommend it to anybody.
-- Denise, O Fallon, MO on December 29, 2006

Utterly useless --- I don't like a strong vibe, but the octopus is extremely weak (far less vibration than my cell phone!), and won't take you where you want to go.
-- Anonymous on December 3, 2006

Come on, people. If you are going to make an octopus vibrator, at least make it high powered. Like put a jet ski motor in it or the engine from Jacques Cousteau's Calypso, or something!

put 'em up. all up.

2007-05-29T19:02:00.000-07:00

I am currently serving on jury duty. don't ask me about my case because it is TOP SECRET. Here are the only vaguely legal-ish, law-like ceph pictures I could find after much searching:

I especially like the above. Apparently it is a greenpeace person in madrid. the soldiers are like "sweet jesus, whatever that is we need to try harder to kill it!"

and here is something from, well I don't know. the use of octopus as a term applied to overreaching government and spy missions seems to be wide spread so I will have to look into it more.

celebrity cephalopod gossip

2007-05-28T16:44:00.001-07:00

Alert reader Matt sent in this picture of British singer Amy Winehouse and her cephalopod oriented hair:

You can read more by clicking here. It is pretty easy to picture a tentacle snaking out of her hair and adding creamer to her coffee. Perhaps the tentacle will also feed her a sandwich (or two) while it is tending to her.

The. Calamari. Wrestler.

2007-05-21T07:36:00.001-07:00

This, WITHOUT A DOUBT, is the most amazing movie I have ever seen. And you can get it through netflix. I am also working hard at making it required viewing in all schools--maybe I can somehow sneak it in with the abstinence videos.

The first clip is from the beginning of the movie, when the Calamari Wrestler makes his debut. Pretty exciting!

I won't give away the whole plot line, but here is a little background: The Calamari Wrestler is actually a wrestler who died from cancer (? I think, or some mysterious illness), and then comes back as an ass-kicking squid. Calamari Wrestler has business to finish, i.e. some non-cephalopod butt kicking to do. (I.E. DO NOT WRITE A CHECK YOUR TENTACLE CAN'T CASH!).

The guy Calamari Wrestler wants to wrestle seems like he might be the antagonist, but really, this movie is too deep and textured to be constrained by simple protagonist/antagonist themes. Especially when the supposed antagonist turns into an octopus to wrestle the Calamari. And then, after they wrestle, they become friends, and the Calamari Wrestler faces the biggest wrestling challenge of his career: Wrestling a "squilla." (Some sites thought this creature in the movie was a lobster. It's not. It's a mantis shrimp). A tiny mantis shrimp can punch through plate glass, so obviously, it makes a formidable opponent when it is the size of a person.

Preparing for wrestling the squilla is no lauging matter, and our Calamari Wrestler takes it VERY seriously. Plus there are some touching moments of interspecies friendship at the end of this one:

You'll have to rent the movie to see how the thrilla with the squilla ends. I realize that this post may seem like incoherent babbling but that is because watching The Calamari Wrestler CHANGED ME FOREVER, and frankly I'm not sure if I can effectively communicate with people WHO HAVE NOT SEEN IT.

wash me x 8.

2007-05-18T09:36:00.001-07:00

I was just sitting at my desk, staring into space, fantasizing about how clean a car could be if a octopus washed it. (I mean, ignoring the fact that the octopus would actually be a dead slimy pile on the front seat because of that whole needing to be in water to breathe and be buoyant thing.)

But, man, those tentacles could really get all of the crumbs out that are wedged in between my seats.

Octopus Car Wash is a chain, apparently. This picture is of their location in Madison, WI.

octopus wedding invites?

2007-05-16T07:06:00.000-07:00

You will note the invitations don't show a male octopus jamming his sperm packet into the female octopus' beak. The invite also doesn't show the male then jetting off, leaving the female to guard the eggs until they hatch. At which point she dies of starvation because she didn't eat while watching said eggs. At which point, can I have the kitchen aid mixer they received as a present?

st. louis cephalopod

2007-05-14T06:39:00.000-07:00

I was in St. Louis this weekend, and I thought it might be a cephalopod-free zone (sniff), but it turns out that even the spirt of st. louis used to have eight arms. This picture is of a fossil of an early, shelled octopus known as Techniceras. It was found in Missouri.

I don't know what Techniceras needed the quarter for. Perhaps Pleistocene vending machines.

japanese knitting site

2007-05-09T06:12:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across this site (http://tokkyu2222.jugem.cc/). I think it is about knitting. And octopuses. And I know, I know, knitting and octopuses are just so trendy that combining them might be like "crossing the streams" in ghostbusters and after you look at these pictures you might experience complete and total particle reversal. So please be careful and don't say I didn't warn you. That being said, can we get a pair of the octopus gloves for our favorite pitcher, El Pulpo???

This one is an octopus brooch:

Complete particle reversal!!!!!

El Pulpo

2007-05-07T07:39:00.000-07:00

Meet Antonia Alfonseca, pitcher for the Philadelphia Phillies. He has an extra finger on each hand, and an extra toe on each foot (i.e. he is polydactylous). Alfonseca goes by the nickname "el pulpo" and "six fingers."

He says his extra finger never touches the ball when he pitches...but it is still pretty sweet.

octopus vs. jar

2007-05-06T14:47:00.000-07:00

check out this video of an octopus opening a jar and getting a treat out of the jar. Take that, jar! Thanks to Marycat for this link!

pastapod

2007-05-03T17:43:00.000-07:00

I made an interesting discovery in my homemade mac 'n cheese the other day:

I shall call this creature "pastapod," or "Octopus macoronus" as a proper name. I attempted to catch the wiley creature, but it quickly employed an escape route into the pasta. Check out its sweet camouflage:

But sadly, much like a clown fish in a dead coral reef, the pastapod is very obvious when it is removed from its habitat:

oh gaaaaa! not new jersey! noooooooooooooo!

2007-04-30T16:40:00.000-07:00

(this one is for you, James!)

light emitting suckers!

2007-04-27T14:07:00.000-07:00

Yeah, you heard me right. An octopus with suckers on its tentacles that emit light! Apparently squids and cuttlefish are known to have light organs in their bodies. This study found that the deep sea finned octopus Stauroteuthis syrtensis has suckers that are bioluminescent and emit blue-green light (Johnsen, et al. 1999).

The study says that "when stimulated" the suckers emit light that can last up to five minutes. The light organs can glow or blink on and off. The suckers aren't able to stick to surfaces, so they may be evolved from functional suckers. Apparently, it may have been S. syrtensis' move to the deep sea that turned his traditional suckers into light emitting organs.

The authors believe the modified suckers are for communication and prey attraction. They might be used in sexual signaling (like all those lights on the vegas strip). The suckers might also be used to trap small crustaceans, because crustaceans are attracted to bioluminescence (because the crabs' food is often bioluminescent).

Reference: S. Johnsen, E.A. Balser, and E.A. Widder, 1999. Light-emitting suckers in an octopus. Nature, vol. 398, pp. 113-114.

cephalopod origami

2007-04-25T18:08:00.000-07:00

from Sipho Mabona--he has all kinds of creatures on his site--ants, dung beetles, praying mantises!

This octopus was folded and photographed by John Paulsen. The model is from Peter Engel, in Origami from Angelfish to Zen, 1994, Dover Publications, New York.

I found this one here, I'm guessing it is a Japanese origami site?

This shiny guy originates from The Zingman Origami Gallery.

octopus girl

2007-04-24T20:37:00.000-07:00

Octopus girl is a Japanese comic about a girl made to eat octopus even though she is allergic to it. Not surprisingly, this turns her into a human head with octopus tentacles (I had a similar fear that broccoli would do this to me as a child). The reviewer at this site states that the comic is a mix of "horror and gore with comedy, the end result is something like 'Betty and Veronica' meet 'Night of the Living Dead' on the ocean floor." Sign me up!

I kind of want other comics about people force fed things they are allergic to, and then become that thing with their head squished on top of it. For instance "hay fever girl," "peanut girl" "dust-mite girl," and "environmental allergy girl" all seem like good possibilities.

Picture and review quotes from: www.pacificdreams.org

just in case you were wondering.

2007-04-23T11:19:00.000-07:00

From a 2005 BBC news story (which has this quote in it: "It was exciting to get a live Architeuthis tentacle. It was still functioning when we got it on the boat." --Tsunemi Kubodera, National Science Museum).

luckily, uma thurman didn't have to fight this one.

2007-04-23T11:05:00.000-07:00

Because I'm fairly certain this squid ninja would have kicked her ass. Don't you wish you could have your own squid ninja to rumble with? Well you can't--I saw the picture on Etsy.com (here's the link) and it looks like they sold out long long ago.

TEENY TINY TENTACLE OF EVIL

2007-04-21T20:48:00.000-07:00

you know how they have horror movies about evil children? And horror movies starring evil sea creatures? Well, how about combining those two things into the most TERRIFYING movie ever.

And here is your star:

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

squid-o-phobia?

2007-04-20T20:51:00.000-07:00

I was at a party the other weekend, and a friend and I started waxing philosophically about how great squid and octopuses are.

Another woman at the party exclaimed "I have a fear of squid! Those eyes! Those giant eyes! I hate to think of them swimming beneath me in the ocean!"

Which, if you don't love cephalopods, being deathly afraid of them is pretty cool, too.

dance beneath my tentacle.

2007-04-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

Not quite sure what to say about this, except that the theme must have been "under the sea." I wish the octopus were a little scarier, instead of so goofy. Or at least more suave. But still, major points for using lighter colored balloons for the underneath of the tentacles.

octopus chicanery.

2007-04-20T08:48:00.000-07:00

a photo of ze criminal:

and ze unsuspecting victim:

From H. Lee's 1875 book "The Octopus; or, The Devil-Fish of Fiction and of Fact":

"In May, 1873, it was found that some young lump-fish...were mysteriously disappearing from one of the tanks. Almost daily there was a fresh and inexplicable vacancy...and morning after morning a handbill might have been issued:-"Missing! Lost, stolen, or strayed, a young 'lump-sucker,' rather below the middle size, and enormously stout; had on a bright blue coat, with several rows of buttons on it, and a waistcoat of lighter colour..."

"What on earth can have become of them?" "Where can they be?" were the questions each attendant asked in vain of another.

One morning, however, Mr. Lawler, one of the staff, on going to count our young friends, found an interloper amongst them. "Who put this octopus in No. 27 tank? he inquired of the keepers. "Octopus, sir? no one! Well, if he ain't bin and got over out of the next tank!" And this was just the fact.

The marauding rascal had occasionally issued from the water in his tank, and clambered up the rocks, and over the wall into the next one; there he had helped himself to a young lump-fish, and, having devoured it, returned demurely to his own quarters by the same route, with a well-filled stomach and contented mind...he paid frequent nocturnal poaching visits to [the tank], and, after clearing up every remnant of his meal, regularly slunk home before daylight; until, like most criminals, becoming careless by frequently escaping detection, he, on the last occasion, indulged at supper-time in an inordinate gorge, and slept under his neighbor's porch instead of going home to bed."

giant squid sex. unsavory?

2007-04-18T17:12:00.000-07:00

Cephalopod sex does seem to leave something to be desired as it often involves the male jamming sperm packets into the tentacles or orifices of female cephalopods. Luckily, I am no longer in college so you will not have to read a feminist interpretation of this activity. But, sadly, it seems that vast size does not improve squid lovemaking skill. Two giant squids were caught off the coast of Tasmania in 1997, and one of the squids had "embedded spermatophores in the skin on both ventral arms" (Norman and Lu, 1997).

Apparently male squid often make "wounds" on female squid and then stick in their sperm packet (Unlike other cephalopods who have modified arms to pass their sperm packets to the ladies). How are these wounds on the female tentacles made? Well, the male squid "may use their beak or the sharp scythe-like hooks found on the tentacles and/or arms." Then they have a "long muscular penis" they use to pass the spermatophores into the wounds.

In giant squid, the authors suggest that "male giant squids also use the penis to transfer spermatophores directly to the female...the muscular penis might 'inject' the spermatophores into the skin, potentially under hydraulic pressure." (Yes, hydraulic pressure.) But, don't worry too much about chafing: "Architeuthis spermatophores are enveloped in a gelatinous coating...which may act as a lubricant." Tender!

Most entertaining is a report on an "accidental injection" in a male giant squid caught in Norway in the 1950's. This male had spermatophores embedded in several of his arms and the mantle. He may have accidentally injected himself, or another male might have done it. The authors do not go so far, however, to suggest the possiblity of an alternate lifestyle in giant squid, though that is what i will propose in an upcoming NIH grant.

Reference:
M.D. Norman and C.C. Lu. Sex in giant squid. Nature, 1997, vol. 389, pp. 683-684.

having my squid handed to me.

2007-04-18T16:52:00.000-07:00

My friend richey sent me a link yesterday to babies in squid costumes. As i followed the link, i found myself at a squid site that made me emit small mewling sounds of envy. It's connected to the laughing squid from San Francisco. San Francisco. Where the cool kids live.

hold these, will you?

2007-04-16T08:52:00.000-07:00

The squid Gonatus onyx, which lives in the Pacific and Atlantic oceans, broods its eggs by holding them in its tentacles 6-9 months while they mature to hatchling stage (Siebel, et al.).

Apparently, until these photos and video were taken, it was thought these squid just dropped their eggs off on sea floor and said see ya. But, in this study, five female squid were observed holding egg masses containing 2,000-3,000 eggs at depths up to 2,522 m. off the coast of California.

This video shows one of the squids with a mature egg mass (thanks to marc for sending this to me). You can see some of the eggs hatching. Try to ignore the annoying music, which I don't think the squid picked out.

Reference:
Post-spawning egg care by a squid. 2005. Nature. B.A. Siebel, B.H. Robison, and S.H.D. Haddock. vol. 438, pp. 929.

uh, those pants give you a squid beak

2007-04-14T19:38:00.000-07:00

alert reader and squid uber-enthusiast kelly enlightened me to a new vocabulary word, courtesy of urbandictionary.com:

squid beak: A squid beak is similar to a camel toe. It is the visible sign of a woman wearing underwear and trousers which are too tight. (see the full definition here.)

I can only hope that the band fanny pack will be making a squid beak song soon.

Wonder Woman! Quick! Use your magical lasso to get rid of that squid beak!

post-it, cephalopod style.

2007-04-13T10:16:00.000-07:00

miss mc, the creator of this note, is very savvy about cephalopod beak location.

Have you hugged your pacific northwest tree octopus today?

2007-04-12T12:05:00.000-07:00

My good friend James alerted me to the cause of the EXTREMELY ENDANGERED Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus. My god, I had no idea that such an amazing creature existed, much less that it was endangered. (although now that I think of it, my grandmother DID have one of those octopus hats that were all the rage way back then. It looks like a weird piece of beef jerky now, though.)

One of the trickiest things about preserving the already low populations of Pacific Tree Octopuses is that Sasquatch apparently enjoys snacking on them. How can we save the tree octopuses and preserve the cultural balance? I suggest hybridizing fraternity members with sasquatches, and then feeding the offspring to giant squid as a start.

Here is my favorite suggestion from the PNW octopus site on how you, the average citizen, can show your support for our forested, tentacled friends: "Participate in tree octopus awareness marches. You can demonstrate their plight during the march by having your friends dress up as tree octopuses while you attack them in a lumber jack costume."

Since I like to dress up in a lumber jack costume and attack people any way, this won't really be much different from my daily routine. Except now I have a reason to do it. So my therapist can put that in her pipe and smoke it.

Good luck saving those PNW Octopuses, everyone. They need you. And a latte, stat.

more calamari wrestling!

2007-04-11T06:30:00.000-07:00

Here are some more images of the calamari wrestling. I would give my left kidney to try on the calamari costume. Or my roommate's left kidney.

En France!

Job interview:
"Well, my strengths are that I'm good at multi-tasking. I suppose my only weakness, if you can call it that, is my need to WRESTLE ALL THE TIME."

Do you doubt the cuteness of the calamari?

octopus wrestling.

2007-04-10T10:46:00.000-07:00

It was only a matter of time before I searched the phrase "octopus wrestling," and here is what came up. Basically, people in the northwestern US wrestled octopuses. And then they (definitely the people, maybe the octopuses) got matching buzz cuts and celebrated. So many questions: why were the octopuses in the shallow water for the wrestling? Who thought this would be a good idea? And did the octopuses ever win?

It basically defies all rational thought.

But, wait there is more:

Reel.com gives the following synopsis: Much talked-about action comedy about a young woman who falls for a giant squid who also happens to be a championship wrestler. Things go out of control when a giant octopus and lobster scheme to take over the championship for themselves.

And guess what else? It is from 2004. I have to get my hands/tentacles/swimmerettes on this, stat.

UPDATE: this film is now on the top of my netflix queue (is that okay with you, Constance?). More to follow.

NOTE: There is actually a lot of weird Japanese game show octopus wrestling stuff online. It makes me sad so I'm not showing it. I'd rather just pull the wings of flies, or microwave lizards, myself.

new york vs. octopus

2007-04-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

this looks like another good one. but if there isn't a scientist demonstrating how cephalopods are in all ways similar to balloons, I'm not going.

fruity, oaky, with a hint of tentacle.

2007-04-06T09:09:00.000-07:00

I won't even say what this sauvignon blanc would pair really nicely with.

he's jet propelled!

2007-04-04T20:55:00.000-07:00

My roommate and I were lucky enough to see this film from 1955. A brief synopsis: Radioactive octopus attacks atomic powered submarine. Sassy female marine biologist and extra-manly naval captain battle said octopus to save San Francisco. Love complications and looming tentacles both arise repeatedly.

The following clip shows the biologists trying to explain to some navy guys what makes cephalopods so great (I know it is wrong to infringe on copyrights. but I also know it would be wrong to keep this scene a secret.):

Here is a picture of the formidable octopus. He kind of looks like a giant, angry, brownie being extruded through a play-do spaghetti maker:

the mega ceph

2007-04-04T05:56:00.000-07:00

If you are having a bad day, I recommend picturing this angry cephalopod (who even for a ceph, has a rather large head, which may be why he is extra cranky) attacking everyone who annoys you.

However, I also like to picture him trying to make copies, or pondering which 401K to invest in.

midnight snack

2007-04-02T20:38:00.000-07:00

The book "Kingdom of the Octopus" by F. Lane (1957) just gives and gives. In the chapter "Locomotion," there are some incidents of octopuses walking around that are great.

Behold:

"L.R. Brightwell tells me that at the Marine Biological Station at Plymouth he once met an octopus walking downstairs at 2:30 in the morning. It had come from the laboratory... An even more surprising encounter with a perambulating octopus occurred while Brightwell was on a Channel trawler. The fishermen caught a small octopus and left it on the deck. It walked down the companionway to the cabin and two hours later was found in the teapot!"

I have to say, I like the story about meeting the octopus on the stairs in the wee hours the best. I picture the following conversation between BRIGHTWELL and the OCTOPUS:
BRIGHTWELL (groggy from excess drinking and researching) [author's note, I am merely speculating here, but why else would he be up so late?]: "Hey."
OCTOPUS: "Squish."
BRIGHTWELL: "Isn't it past your bedtime?"
OCTOPUS: [belligerent] "SQUISH!"
BRIGHTWELL: "Fine, it's your life. There's some beer and herring in the fridge if you want. Remember we have to get up early in the morning. We're doing a bunch of experiments where we squeeze you through unbelievably small holes in your tank."
BRIGHTWELL and OCTOPUS squeeze past each other uncomfortably in the stair well. OCTOPUS heads to fridge for snack. BRIGHTWELL passes out. OCTOPUS and BRIGHTWELL wake up in each other's arms in the morning, both smelling of herring and beer.

ikea and its devilish fascination with cephalopods

2007-04-01T20:07:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it is because Ikea is from Sweden, and sometimes giant squid wash up on shore in those northern parts that they feel compelled to make cephalopod themed items. And perhaps I would be more amenable to these items IF I HAD NOT SPENT TWO HOURS TODAY PUTTING TOGETHER A LAUNDRY HAMPER I BOUGHT AT IKEA. No, I'm sure that has nothing to do with it.

The first offender:
Please note the number of tentacles. Perhaps the other four were lost at sea, or in an attempt to assemble something with a terrible, teeny, tiny, ineffective allan wrench.

And then this:

I find this product more troubling because when I saw it at the ikea store, I kind of wanted it. And then I wondered what was wrong with me that I wanted to purchase any and all cephalopod related products. This one is apparently for hanging up one's socks to dry in the laundry room. The clips are sort of shoddy, which is why I did not impulsively buy it. (and the fact that I had been in ikea for an hour by then and my soul was DEAD.) But you could probably hang your dried cuttlefish from it in a pinch.

a giant cephalopod in iceland, 1639

2007-03-30T09:04:00.000-07:00

A paper by Prof. Japetus Steenstrup from 1849 quotes reports from the Icelandic naturalist Eg. Olafsen on a giant cephalopod that drifted onto the shore of Iceland in 1639. It was reported that on Thingoresand in Hunevandsyssel, "a peculiar creature or sea monster was stranded with length and thickness like those of a man; it had 7 tails... These tails were densely covered with a kind of button, and the buttons looked as if there was an eye ball in each button, and round the eye ball was an eyelid, these eyelids looked as if they were guilded. On this sea monster there was in addition a single tail which had grown about above those 7 tails; it was extremely long, 4-5 fms [7.50-9.40 m]."

Eg. Olafsen also had a drawing of the creature. Sadly, according to Steenstrup, "This drawing, however, no longer exists, since together with the majority of Eg. Olafsen's books it feel a prey to the waves when he lost his life on his way home from the place where he had celebrated his marriage, an irreparable loss to Iceland..."

my sushi dream.

2007-03-29T07:30:00.000-07:00

more underwater ecosystem interactions in dorchester.

2007-03-29T07:12:00.000-07:00

MaryCat alerted me to the fact that the sink octopus appears again in a recent post of hers interacting with a halibut (see the sink octopus in the corner?). Luckily for the sink octopus (since halibut are known to enjoy a tasty cephalopod now and again) it doesn't look like this particular halibut will be eating anything anytime soon.

underwater ecosystem discovered in dorchester, ma

2007-03-28T08:32:00.000-07:00

MaryCat discovered this amazing example of oceanic ecology in her new apartment. We are still unsure what the main food stuffs of these two organisms are. However, when the octopus was given a light squeeze, a liquid exuded from its filament-like tentacles. After extensive lab testing, we realized this liquid was dish soap. The sponge still isn't divulging its habits, even after we threatened to scrub the toilet with it.

pfd (personal flotation device).

2007-03-28T08:17:00.000-07:00

I know you stay up late at night wondering how nautiluses and cuttlefish stay at the depth they want to be at in the ocean. How do they keep from sinking to the bottom, being crushed by the pressure (cue Queen song here), or floating up to the top and being eaten by ever so many predators? It turns out that nautiluses and cuttlefish have the ability to adjust their neutral buoyancy (i.e. they don't sink, and they don't have to swim to stay at a certain depth). They achieve this by having a mixture of gas and sea water inside of them that they can adjust. This is all due to a very cool organ known as the siphuncle that uses active transport and the balance of water and gas in the animal to regulate its buoyancy. This means they use hardly any energy maintaining the position they want to be at in the ocean. Nautiluses can go to lower depths in the day to avoid predators (down to 600 meters!) and then come back up to more shallow levels at night to feed. (Info taken from "An Introduction to the Invertebrates, 2nd Edition by Janet Moore, 2006, Cambridge University Press.)

So, everyone: I'm trading in my water wings for a siphuncle next time I go swimming.

giant squid hickey

2007-03-26T18:29:00.000-07:00

We know giant squid are very, very, large. And very, very awesome. Supposedly these squid become embroiled with whales in the deep murky depths of the ocean (the whales are supposedly trying to eat them). Well, I am here to posit a new theory: the squid and the whale are not fighting. Oh no. Verily, I believe they are having an illicit love affair. And if it is wrong to have a squid and a whale love each other then I don't know what this world has come to. Oh, to be in that whale's place!

sunday brunch.

2007-03-24T20:57:00.000-07:00

If you doubted the existence of the baconopod, doubt no more. Doesn't this stained slide of tentacle taken from the interweb look like...bacon? Whoever made this slide also knows about the baconopod's existence. Well, whoever you are, don't think you can scoop me with an article in a top tier journal about the baconopod. I already submitted my manuscript to Science, so suck it.

i'm stuffed.

2007-03-24T06:33:00.000-07:00

This post is a small aside. Lately I have been wanting to learn more about taxidermy. Apparently it is not yet possible to stuff a cephalopod (even if you stuff it with love!), but I still wanted to learn more about it. And maybe I could steal gunther von hagen's (of bodyworlds fame) secret preservation techiniques and make "squid world."

So, because I am thinking about dabbling in taxidermy (though it is probably not a hobby people dabble in, more like all of the sudden I am in my moldy basement surrounded by the stuffed heads of dead things twenty years from now and I have a strange gleam in my eye as I hold a very sharp scalpel above the body of some sort of rare antelope and all the neighbors tell their children to STAY AWAY from my house because remember when little Stevie went missing?) I went to the library to see what I could find. All of the books on taxidermy I came across were very old, and I was worried I may be missing the great technological leaps and bounds that have may have affected the taxidermy industry (surely there must have been some sort of taxidermal enlightenement in the 1950's) in the intervening years between 1896 and now. Hence, I was really excited to find the book "Lessons in Taxidermy" by Bee Lavender, published in 2006 and I put it on hold immediately. I went to pick it up yesterday.

Well, just a warning, it's not about taxidermy. I'm really disappointed about that. It turns out to be an autobiography, which I will try to read, if only because one review of it called it "a poignant book about anguish." But, jeez. It's still not "a poignant book about stuffing dead things."

the dear devoured one

2007-03-22T08:03:00.000-07:00

I happened upon this book by Henry Lee, published in 1875:

Mr. Lee was the Naturalist at the Brighton Aquarium in England. Here is an excerpt from Chapter II, titled "Octopods I Have Known":

"The first octopus received at the Brighton Aquarium was caught in a lobster-pot at Eastbourne in October 1872, and great was the joy that reigned in "London-by-the-sea."...The new octopus became "the rage." Poor fellow! his career was short, and his end sudden and shocking...

It became necessary to clean out a tank in which were some "Larger spotted dog-fishes," Scyllium stellare. No hostility between them and the octopus being anticipated by their attendant, they were temporarily placed with it, and, for a while, they seemed to dwell together as peaceably as the "happy family" of animals...the octopus usually remaining within the "Cottage-by-the-sea" which he had built for himself in the form of a grotto of living oysters, and the dog-fish apparently taking no notice of him.

But one fatal day--the 7th of January, 1873--the "devil-fish" was missing, and it was seen that one of the "companions of his solitude" was inordinately distended. A thrill of horror ran through the corridors. There was suspicion of crime and dire disaster. The corpulent nurse-hound was taken into custody, lynched and disembowelled, and his guilt made manifest. For there, within his capacious stomach, unmutilated and entire, lay the poor octopus who had delighted thousands during the Chrismtas holidays. It had been swalled whole and very recently, but life was extinct.

"The dear devoured one," as a local journal called it, was at once immersed in methylated spirits. The dog-fish was stuffed. Both are still preserved at the aquarim."

R.I.P., little guy. R.I.P.

smoking kraken.

2007-03-21T11:14:00.000-07:00

A close up of the caption (click on it if you need it bigger):

This picture is from the 1957 book, Kingdom of the Octopus: The Life-History of the Cephalopoda," by Frank W. Lane (Jarrolds, London). Apparently the word "kraken" refers to giant sea monsters in Scandanavian. I didn't know that. But now I plan on using the word kraken all the kraken time. I just love everything about this picture--from the way the men are grappling with the fake squid (and if you look closely to the left, there is a pair of disembodied arms operationg a joystick of some kind), to the fact the Mr. Lane HAS to point out that the "beak is wrong" on the squid. I bet if he said that to those set guys' faces he would have gotten his ass krackened.

octopus mimicus.

2007-03-19T17:13:00.000-07:00

The humanity! The following is an example of what can happen to the unwary aquarium gift shop visitor. Please, make sure that neither you nor your loved ones fall prey to the Octopus mimicus. This octopus is not to be trifled with and has been wreaking havoc with the tourist industry for years. When the unsuspecting prey item (i.e. your aunt mabel) picks up the mimicus (thinking it is merely a soft, cuddly and vastly overpriced gift shop toy), the mimicus viciously attacks the head and neck of the victim. To date, there have been no survivors of these attacks. And there is nothing more disturbing than seeing someone you love, laying in a pool of blood in the aquarium gift shop, missing a giant piece of their head. It's enough to make you put down those magnets you were going to give as Christmas gifts.

baconopod.

2007-03-17T18:15:00.000-07:00

A very rare sighting was made in the kitchen this morning:

(WARNING: The following footage may be very disturbing for vegetarians and vegans. I apologize in advance for the strange ways that mother nature works.)

NATURAL HISTORY NOTES: The baconopod lay on the plate for a while, perhaps attempting to blend into its surroundings. It proceeded to open a can of tuna using its beak and made tuna salad. That appears to be its main staple. Then it oozed across the counter and went to sleep in the toaster oven. Upon further investigation, what is really amazing is that the baconopod appears to have nine bacon appendages. This may be a mutant baconopod, or a special adaptation for kitchen living. Only further study will tell us the answer.

humongtopus!

2007-03-16T09:19:00.000-07:00

Last November I went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium with my friend, Richey. The volunteers informed us (rather blithely, I thought) that the cuttlefish had been REMOVED because they were not ENDEMIC to the Western United States. I shoved my fist in my mouth to stifle the screams and then rended my garments a little bit. After that the volunteer told us where the giant red octopus (Octopus rubescens) was located.

He (or she) appeared to be sleeping in the corner of his tank, but then we were very lucky because he woke up and started moving around his tank.

There was this Indian family that came up to the tank and the dad said to the kids: "Look kids, a real octopus!" and one of the kids ran up to the tank and kept saying over and over: "It's a humongtopus! It's a humongtopus!"

Here is a movie of the event. Not the greatest, might make you sea sick, but it has some hot tentacle action. (The beginning is AWFUL, but then it gets slightly better.)

As an aside, after going to Monterey, I read "Cannery Row" by Steinbeck and it was really good. I now have a crush on cephalopods and the Doc.

tentacular!

2007-03-16T08:52:00.000-07:00

Hello--since cephalopods make up the title of this blog, I am guessing I should start immediately with pictures of them. Here are some pictures of a cuttlefish from my birthday last year when I dragged my boyfriend to the aquarium with me. I have a crush on the cuttlefish there. If you don't know this already, cuttlefish can rapidly (like in an instantaneous millisecond) change color all over their bodies. They kind of look like tiny flashing billboards. I'm sure ad companies are dying to figure out how to get one to flash a "drink Coke" sign on its body.

Even though these pictures make it look like the cuttlefish has been arrested for a crime (of which I am sure he is innocent!) and these are his mugshots, you can still feel the attractive allure of the cuttlefish. (Can't you?) And judging from the piles of dried cuttlefish in certain Asian markets, they are also very tasty. Not quite as cute when dried out, though.